Elise is 40 years old, she moved to the Bay Area from France nine years ago for her husband’s job. She decided to use this opportunity to leave her career in finance and find a new job, more aligned with her aspirations and her hope to start a family. Now, she has two children: a five-year-old son and a three-year-old daughter. She shared a typical day for her, and we then talked about her family organization and career.
When I have to go to work onsite, I have prepared my clothes and bag the evening before, to ensure that I have very little to do in the morning and can move out of the house quickly. I often leave before my kids wake up. My husband takes care of them in the morning, getting them ready for preschool and school and preparing their lunch boxes.
When I work remotely, I wake up a little later and usually drive my kids to their respective school.
One of the main differences between working in France and in the US is that the workday is shorter here but more intense with a lot of short meetings, and therefore a variety of topics to switch to every 30 minutes, and hardly any break. The hybrid work environment (on-site & remote) of the post COVID era also played a role in these new ways of working in my opinion. Specifically in the Bay Area, people aspire to spend less time stuck in traffic and more time spent on what matters, may it be their work or their family life.
At home, I supervise my son while he is doing his homework. This is new to me (and him !) this year and we are both adjusting nicely to this little extra-work in our respective “work” day! My daughter is also adjusting to being a bit more independent and quiet while I work with my son. I’m impressed with her these days!
My husband is the one cooking in our family. He tries to do batch cooking on weekends, so we just have to reheat the food on weekdays. Cooking is a way for my husband to unwind. He is extremely creative and determined in a lot of what he does so we are his very happy and well-fed guinea pigs whenever he tries new recipes! These days, my daughter is helping him a little with cooking while I help my son with homework. It’s nice to see how proud she is afterwards!
Right now, my husband usually takes care of my son, and I take care of our daughter because it takes her a long time to fall asleep and my husband often needs to work again after the kids go to bed.
Unfortunately, we don’t spend much time just the two of us right now. But the kids are growing up and I feel that we should plan to have some time back for ourselves.
Are your kids doing any after-school activities?
Elise - My daughter’s preschool offers some activities onsite; she takes a gym class there once a week. Similarly, my son’s school offers soccer classes which is great, we do not need to drive anywhere.
How do you manage when a child is sick or doesn’t have school?
If a child is sick, I often stay home to take care of them, but we usually decide with my husband depending on our work schedules. Recently both were sick over the course of three days so we took turns. We try to work from home as much as possible when this happens and we let our colleagues know about the situation so we can all adapt.
When there is an in-service day or a holiday closure on a day we need to work, we use my employer's backup care service. With this service, I can find a spot for a day in a preschool in just a few minutes and at a reduced price. This service works for children five and under, so my son won’t be going anymore but he is extremely easy-going and happy to stay home once in a while so it’s not a problem.
How do you divide household chores with your husband?
My husband is in charge of cooking and groceries. I am the one taking care of the laundry and the day-to-day family admin (e.g. school, preschool, doctor’s appointments, vacation plans,…). We usually split the house cleaning chores. My husband does a lot at home so I feel blessed!
What do you think about your current organization?
We can always tweak it to improve it, but it is working right now. One thing we could explore during the weekend is having one adult do some activities with the kids so the other can have some alone time. We don’t have family around us so we don’t have anyone to help us and care for them for a day or just a few hours. What we started doing, and I feel is great for bonding with each child, is having one-on-one time separately. My husband will take one of them for an activity while I do something else with the other one, this helps us tailor the activity to the age and interest of each child. This is obviously not alone time for the adult, but still, we usually have a good time, and it is often easier than doing an activity with the four of us together.
More generally, and thinking about the work life balance, I do think that working both full time also means doing less to preserve our balance. This may mean fewer extra curricular activities for the kids (impossible when getting home after 5) or not over-planning every weekend. Our weeks have well-oiled schedules so we try to keep some oxygen during weekends. We have started doing hikes with the children during the weekend because we felt we needed it and we want them to be curious and enjoy the amazing nature we have in the Bay Area.
Can you tell us more about your career switch when you first arrived in the US?
In France, I worked in finance. My company offered me a job at their US branch, but I wanted to change careers. Finance is a very demanding field, and while I am thankful I started working in this field, I was at a point in my life where I was considering having kids, so I wanted to find a better work/life balance. After nine months in the US, I found a new job in a biotech company. Finding a job was a very humbling experience because I nearly had to start from scratch; from re-writing a resume tailored to the US to networking when I knew no one here. One key learning was to focus on transferable skills which is where, I think, the US has a leg up vs. other countries. Moving to the US enabled me to take the time to think about what I really wanted from my job and from my life in general and I probably wouldn’t have done it had I stayed in France.
Did your new job meet your expectations?
It was 100 times better than I imagined! I was lucky to find a company where employees are valued, and their successes are celebrated. It was the opposite of what I had experienced in my previous job.
Were you worried about the impact of having kids on your career?
No, I was more than ready to have my first child. I was already in my mid-thirties and felt pretty serene about it. I had enough time to find my footing at my company, and I knew they supported parents, offering 8 weeks of parental leave in addition to what California offered.
Was it the same when you had your second child?
Having a second child with only a two-year gap implied some logistical challenges and even more tiredness. When you have one kid, you can have one parent take care of them while the other one rests; it is more challenging to do with two kids. It also changed my take on work: I want to spend quality time with my kids, so I need to make room for it. It also changed how I work: I have become even more efficient because my time is precious. My career would probably have been different if I didn’t have kids, but I am at peace with that.
Now that my youngest is three and half years old, I feel that we are reaching the end of the tunnel, and things are becoming easier: we are less tired, and we can do more activities.
